Cath's Memorial

[Gerry]

The Palliative Care people sent me an invitation last month to a Memorial that they're holding for people who have past away in the last 12 months under their care.  The Memorial is today (Wednesday 15th) at 10.30am.  I didn't get much sleep last night, and I'm writing this at 5.10am.  It's funny but I'm a little nervous about going, but I should be OK when I get there.  It'll be 12 months on the 28th October since she died, and I still miss her as much today as I did 12 months ago

[Debbie]

Gerry I really hope you find the memorial service comforting, as I am sure you will.  It is a nice way to remember our loved ones, and to know your not alone in your loss. 

I am sure you do still miss her, to be honest you probably always will, testament of a good marriage and great friendship. 

[Gerry]

Thankyou Debbie

[dreamer]

hope it all went well gerry,   

[Gerry]

hope it all went well gerry,   

Unfortunately not Dreamer, as I found it too hard.  I thought I may have got some comfort and maybe some closure, but it only added to my grief.  Whether I’ll ever get over my loss is anyone’s guess, but people do say that it will lessen.  I’ll just have to wait and see

[99]

this is difficult for me and was not going to post it. even said earlier that i would not. but i think i should now
when my dad died very close to the end for him, unable to speak because the cancer had hit hard, and he was fitting. made myself cry typing that much.
but very close to the end for him he said mums and had a very big smile on his face.  i think my gran came to look after him. i hope anyway

[Gerry]

Yes it is very hard and I think that as all people are different, we all react differently.  I'm a very emotional person, and at times I wish I wasn't.  I try very hard not to show my emotions, but I think I'm fighting a losing battle because it's natural for me, so I have a good idea how you must still be feeling and for me to give advice would be hypocritical

[dreamer]

oh im sorry your memorial was upsetting, your emotions will still be very raw as it not long since you lost your wife,yes some feelings will lesson but 16 years on i still miss my mum every day, it is the pain that lessons but i find you still long for the person. Never keep your feelings in gerry, emotions are part of the human make up ,and crying is part of grieving weather it be in a quiet moment of lovely memories, or anger that overwhelms you sometimes when you cant get an answer as to why this happened to someone you love dearly.
will be thinking of you,  dreamer

[PaigntonPearl]

Oh dear, I am so sorry for both Gerry and 99.  It is so hard to lose someone you care about who has been a part of your life for so many years.

I am sorry the memorial did not give you any comfort Gerry.  I guess it was not the right thing for you.  When I went back to England the year after my mother's death, I sat on her grave and cried my eyes out.  I brushed away the grass cuttings and cleaned up the grave and howled while I did it.  Fortunately there was only a couple of other people in Stoke Gabriel Churchyard at the time and they just left me to myself. 

I'm crying while I write this because I remember how painful it was.  But I felt close to her there and I talked to her and told her how much I missed her and traced her name with my fingers on the stone.  I've gone back every year since except this year (she died in 1999) and it always gave me comfort to sit on the stone and run my fingers over her name (and my dad's too-he died in 2002).  Last year for the first time I didn't feel the need to do it, and this year I have not been back.  She has somehow become a part of my living that I no longer need to be in her presence and touch the stone to hold on to her memory.

But as you see, it has taken almost 10 years to get to this point, so you must accept that it is a long, slow process.  But you can take comfort in knowing that eventually the acute pain will dull and you will absorb her being into your life even though she is not physically present.  You will find you are living your life with her absence yet all the while knowing she is still there with you.

And perhaps, like 99 said, she has been welcomed by loved ones into another realm, and you should be happy for her, as she would wish you to enjoy what life has to offer you here--your children, your friends, and whatever else gives you pleasure.

Many of us who have lost beloved animal companions believe that they will be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for us when we eventually pass over.  They will be happy and well and without illness or pain, although I have a hard time imagining the darlings I have lost ever being civil enough to each other to greet me together.

Anyway, sorry I have rambled on a bit, but I hate to see Gerry and 99 in pain from their respective losses, and I would like to offer as much comfort as is possible to them.